What Is the 10-10-10 Rule in Military Divorce?

If you’re navigating a military divorce, you’ve probably heard someone mention the “10-10-10 rule” often with confusion, fear, or misinformation attached. Let’s clarify it plainly, without legal jargon or scare tactics.

At Lotus River Wellness (LRW), we work with military spouses before, during, and after divorce and transition. One of the most important things we emphasize is this: The 10-10-10 rule is narrow, specific, and frequently misunderstood.

What the 10-10-10 Rule Actually Means

The 10-10-10 rule refers to military retirement pay only not child support, not alimony eligibility, and not whether a spouse “deserves” benefits.

A former spouse may receive direct payment from DFAS (Defense Finance and Accounting Service) only if all three conditions are met:

i. 10 years of marriage

ii. 10 years of military service

iii. 10 years of overlap between the marriage and the service

If all three are true, DFAS can send the former spouse their court-ordered share of military retirement directly, instead of routing it through the service member.

What the Rule Does Not Mean

This is where confusion causes unnecessary panic.

The 10-10-10 rule:

• ❌ Does not determine whether a spouse is entitled to a portion of retirement

• ❌ Does not prevent a court from awarding retirement benefits

• ❌ Does not decide child support or spousal support

• ❌ Does not apply to VA disability pay

• ❌ Does not determine healthcare eligibility

It only determines how the payment is delivered, not whether it can be awarded.

If You Don’t Meet the 10-10-10 Rule

If the marriage and service overlap for less than 10 years, a spouse may still be awarded a portion of military retirement by the court but the payment typically comes from the service member, not DFAS.

This distinction matters for:

i. Enforcement

ii. Payment reliability

iii. Long-term financial planning

It does not erase a spouse’s contribution or years of unpaid labor supporting the military career.

Why the 10-10-10 Rule Hits Military Spouses So Hard

For many military spouses especially in Special Operations communities marriage years often overlap with:

• Frequent relocations

• Career sacrifices

• Solo parenting

• Invisible labor

• Caregiving during deployments and recovery

The shock comes when a spouse learns:

• Benefits they assumed were guaranteed are not

• Healthcare ends abruptly

• Financial security shifts overnight

• Identity tied to the marriage dissolves quickly

The rule itself isn’t the problem. The lack of preparation and education is.

The Bigger Issue: Transition Without Infrastructure

At LRW, we see the same pattern repeatedly: Spouses are trained to sustain the mission, but not trained to sustain themselves if the marriage ends.

Whether a spouse qualifies under the 10-10-10 rule or not, long-term wellness depends on:

• Education

• Financial literacy

• Career pathways

• Community support

• Nervous system regulation

• Identity rebuilding

This is why LRW programs support spouses before crisis, not just after.

The 10-10-10 rule is not a moral judgment or a worth calculation. It is a narrow administrative rule about direct payment of military retirement, nothing more.

The real work in military divorce is not decoding acronyms.It’s rebuilding stability, autonomy, and identity in a system that rarely plans for spouses to exit. That’s the gap Lotus River Wellness exists to fill.