The Hidden Wounds: The Impact of Substance Abuse in SOF Families on Children

In the Special Operations Forces (SOF) community, the effects of substance abuse don’t just stop at the service member or their spouse—they ripple through the entire family, leaving an especially profound impact on children. These young observers, often seen as “resilient,” are quietly absorbing the consequences of their parents’ behaviors, carrying emotional scars that can last a lifetime.

The Myth of Resilience

We often hear about how children in military families are “resilient.” This narrative implies that they can adapt, endure, and bounce back from any challenge—whether it’s frequent moves, long separations, or the emotional fallout of a parent’s substance abuse.

But resilience shouldn’t mean enduring trauma or normalizing unhealthy behavior. Too often, the expectation of resilience forces children to accept circumstances that no child should ever have to face, while masking the real harm being done to their mental and emotional well-being.

What Children Witness in SOF Families

Children of SOF service members with drinking or narcotics problems experience:

1. Emotional Unavailability : Parents struggling with substance abuse are often emotionally absent. Children learn to cope with the void left by a parent who’s physically present but mentally and emotionally distant.

2. Unpredictability and Instability : Erratic behavior, mood swings, or outbursts from a parent under the influence create an environment of instability. Children may walk on eggshells, never knowing what version of their parent they’ll encounter.

3. A Distorted View of Love and Relationships : When one parent is consumed by addiction and the other is silently enduring, children internalize unhealthy dynamics. They might believe that love means tolerating bad behavior or sacrificing their own needs for others.

4. Normalization of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms : Seeing a parent use alcohol or drugs to handle stress sends a harmful message: when life gets tough, substances are the answer.

The Long-Term Consequences

The damage doesn’t stop in childhood. Without intervention, these experiences can follow children into adulthood, manifesting as:

• Anxiety and Depression : The chaos of growing up in a home affected by substance abuse can create chronic emotional distress.

• Trust Issues : Children may struggle to form healthy relationships, fearing betrayal or instability.

• Repetition of Cycles : Without guidance or support, children of substance-abusing parents are at a higher risk of developing their own issues with addiction or choosing partners who exhibit similar behaviors.

What Our Children Deserve

Children in SOF families deserve to feel safe, loved, and supported. They should not have to adapt to unhealthy environments or accept behaviors that undermine their emotional security. It’s not their job to understand or excuse a parent’s substance abuse.

It’s our job as parents, spouses, and communities to stop forcing resilience and start fostering environments where children can truly thrive.

How to Break the Cycle

1. Acknowledge the Problem : Ignoring substance abuse or dismissing its impact only perpetuates the harm. It’s essential to confront the issue head-on, seeking professional help for the service member and creating a safe space for children to express their feelings.

2. Provide Emotional Support : Children need validation that their feelings are real and important. Counseling, peer support groups, and open communication can help them process their experiences in a healthy way.

3. Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms : Parents have the power to show children better ways to handle stress, trauma, and emotions. Seeking therapy, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in open dialogue demonstrate healthier paths forward.

4. Challenge the Narrative of Resilience : Instead of celebrating children for enduring difficult circumstances, advocate for their right to grow up in a stable, loving environment. Resilience shouldn’t mean survival—it should mean thriving.

To the Parents Struggling

If you’re a parent battling substance abuse, understand this: your actions don’t just affect you—they shape the emotional landscape your children will carry into adulthood. Seeking help is not just for you—it’s for them. Acknowledging your struggles and working toward change is the most powerful gift you can give your children.

To the Spouses Holding It All Together

If you’re a SOF spouse watching your family suffer, know that you don’t have to carry this alone. Advocate for your children’s well-being. Seek resources, demand accountability, and break the silence. Your courage to act can change the trajectory of your family’s future.

To Our Community

The SOF community must stop sweeping these issues under the rug and pretending children are “fine” because they appear to adapt. The long-term cost of ignoring substance abuse is too great—fractured families, broken trust, and children burdened with trauma that could have been prevented.

A Future Free of Trauma

Children in SOF families deserve better. They deserve parents who take responsibility for their actions, communities that refuse to normalize addiction, and systems that prioritize their well-being over the optics of mission readiness.

At LRW, we believe in advocating for the unseen struggles of SOF families. Let’s stop perpetuating the myth of resilience and start creating a culture where no child has to endure trauma in the name of service.

Together, we can change the story—for our children and for future generations.