A Post-Holiday Reflection for SOF Spouses
- Steph Cole
- Dec 29, 2024
- 4 min read
Christmas has come and gone. The gifts have been unwrapped, the holiday magic has faded, and the quiet aftermath of the season has settled in. For many SOF spouses, this is the time we take a deep breath and start reflecting—not just on the whirlwind of the holidays but on everything we’ve carried through the year.
Yes, we make it look amazing. We show up, we keep the family together, and we carry it all with poise that leaves most people in awe. But let’s be honest: *we’re tired.*
We’re tired of being the steady one, the rock everyone leans on. Tired of managing a household that never seems to run itself. Tired of picking up the pieces when yet another schedule shift happens. And, yes, we’re tired of wondering when the adult child we married is going to realize it’s time to share the load.
This is about honoring that exhaustion and celebrating the fact that it’s okay to feel both *proud* of what you’ve accomplished and *drained* from the weight you’ve carried.
The Dual Reality of SOF Life
Being a SOF spouse means living in a constant state of duality:
The Poised Exterior: You’re the one who keeps it all together, smiling at events, reassuring the kids, and handling every curveball with grace. To the outside world, you look like you’ve mastered it all.
The Hidden Exhaustion: Behind the scenes, you’re juggling schedules, soothing emotions (including your own), and silently managing the invisible load of a life that revolves around someone else’s mission.
This duality isn’t just impressive—it’s extraordinary. But it’s also exhausting. And it’s okay to admit that.
Why We’re So Tired
The exhaustion SOF spouses feel isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and mental, the kind that builds up over time and lingers long after the adrenaline fades.
We’re Tired of Being the Steady One
When schedules shift and emergencies arise, we’re the ones who keep things steady. We’re the problem solvers, the emotional anchors, and the ones who make sure the house doesn’t fall apart when life feels chaotic.
We’re Tired of Carrying It All
From managing the household to solo parenting during deployments, we’ve taken on roles and responsibilities that were never meant to fall entirely on one person.
We’re Tired of Waiting for Partnership
We love our spouses, but let’s face it: sometimes they come home and it feels like we’re raising another kid. The transition back into family life can be rocky, and while we understand the need for decompression, it’s hard not to feel frustrated when the load remains uneven.
Acknowledging Both Pride and Exhaustion
Here’s the truth: you can feel two things at once. You can feel proud of everything you’ve accomplished this year—because you *should* be proud—and still feel drained by the weight of it all.
It’s Okay to Say You’re Tired
Saying you’re tired doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you can’t handle it. It means you’ve been carrying more than your share, and you’re human.
It’s Okay to Want More
Wanting your spouse to step up doesn’t make you ungrateful for their service. It means you’re ready for the partnership you deserve—the balance that makes family life work.
Steps to Reclaim Balance in the Year Ahead
As we prepare to step into 2025, let’s focus on creating a life where you’re not just surviving but thriving.
Be Honest About Your Exhaustion
Talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling. Use “I” statements to share your experience without placing blame. For example: *“I’ve been feeling really drained lately, and I need us to figure out how to share the load more evenly.”*
Define Shared Responsibilities
Create a clear plan for what household and family responsibilities you can share. Start small if needed, but be consistent in holding each other accountable.
Set Boundaries for Yourself
Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries around what you can and can’t take on. It’s okay to say no to obligations that don’t serve you.
Prioritize Rest and Self-Care
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s a quiet coffee in the morning, a yoga class, or an hour to read a book.
Celebrate Your Strength
Take a moment to reflect on everything you’ve accomplished this year. Write it down, share it with a friend, or simply sit with the pride you deserve to feel.
Why Your Exhaustion Is a Testament to Your Strength
The fact that you’re tired isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to how much you’ve carried. You’ve handled the chaos, the emotions, and the endless adjustments with grace that most people can’t even fathom.
And while you’re tired, you’ve also shown your family something incredible: they can trust you. Your strength, consistency, and ability to hold it all together have created a foundation of love and stability for the people you care about most.
Looking Ahead to 2025: Reclaiming Balance and Joy
As we move into the new year, let’s make a commitment to ourselves: to acknowledge the exhaustion, honor the strength, and take actionable steps toward balance.
2025 can be the year you:
Reclaim Your Time: By setting boundaries and asking for help, you can create space for rest and joy.
Strengthen Your Partnership: By fostering open communication and shared responsibilities, you can create a more balanced dynamic at home.
Prioritize Yourself: By carving out time for your own needs and passions, you can reconnect with the person you were before life got so overwhelming.
Darling, you’ve carried so much. You’ve done it with poise, strength, and a quiet resilience that inspires everyone around you. But as we close out 2024, let this be your reminder: *you don’t have to carry it all alone.*
It’s okay to admit you’re tired. It’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to take steps to create a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling in the year ahead.
Because you deserve more than just survival—you deserve a life that feels as amazing as the strength you’ve shown.
**Here’s to you. Let’s make 2025 your year.**
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