The Silent Struggle: Under-Employment in SOF Families

In the world of Special Operations Forces (SOF), sacrifice is a given. The operators serve with unmatched dedication, pushing their minds and bodies to the limit. But behind the missions and deployments is a less-visible challenge—one that affects the very core of family wellbeing: underemployment.

While the Department of Defense often highlights spouse unemployment as a key issue, those of us living this life know the deeper truth—underemployment is the more persistent and painful reality for most SOF families. It’s the silent struggle no one talks about. And yet, it shapes everything: financial stability, personal identity, mental health, and long-term career growth for the spouse.

What Is Underemployment?

Underemployment goes beyond not having a job. It’s about having the wrong job—one that doesn’t reflect your education, training, or potential. It’s being overqualified but underpaid. It’s working part-time when you’re available full-time. It’s starting over again and again, not because you lack drive or talent, but because the military lifestyle demands constant flexibility and self-sacrifice.

SOF families are often hit harder by this issue. Frequent moves, short-notice deployments, and OPSEC restrictions limit the opportunities available to spouses. Even remote work—often touted as the solution—can be challenging when you're stationed in locations with unreliable internet or when caregiving and emotional labor consume your bandwidth at home.

The Impact on SOF Spouses

For SOF spouses, underemployment isn't just frustrating—it can be crushing. Many of us carry degrees we haven’t been able to use, certifications that expired while we followed our partner across the globe, and resumes with gaps that employers don’t understand. We show up in interview rooms (or Zoom calls) ready to contribute, only to be offered roles far beneath our abilities.

And yet we take them. Because we need the paycheck. Because we don’t have the luxury of waiting. Because we’re holding down the fort during year-long deployments, single-parenting in isolation, and covering for the partner who’s been pulled away again.

This isn’t a case of lacking ambition. It’s a case of sacrificing our ambition for the sake of our families—and being quietly expected to do so without complaint.

The Mental Load of Being “Flexible”

There’s a quiet pressure in SOF communities to make it look easy. To smile through the change, to “pivot” quickly, to be endlessly adaptable. But behind the flexibility is exhaustion. Behind the adaptability is grief—for the career you dreamed of, the goals you put on hold, and the person you thought you’d become by now.

Many spouses carry shame around underemployment. We internalize it as a personal failure instead of seeing it as a systemic issue. We think maybe if I worked harder, marketed myself better, didn’t take that time off, it would be different. But the truth is: this isn’t your fault. You’ve done what was necessary to keep your family afloat in an unpredictable, demanding lifestyle.

Financial Consequences

Underemployment doesn’t just affect identity—it affects income. Many SOF families rely on a single income, which is increasingly unsustainable in today’s economy. Spouses who do work often take jobs well below their earning potential. That means fewer savings, limited retirement contributions, and less financial freedom to prepare for transition when the operator retires or separates.

And let’s not forget the cost of childcare. Many spouses want to work full-time but simply can’t afford to. In some duty stations, the cost of childcare is higher than the take-home pay of the job. So, they stay home—not because they don’t want to contribute, but because the math doesn’t add up.

When Transition Comes…

The transition out of the military often shines a harsh light on the years of underemployment SOF spouses have endured. Suddenly, the family is no longer bound by orders—and spouses have a chance to finally chase the career they’ve put on hold. But by then, many are facing outdated credentials, massive resume gaps, and diminished confidence. It can feel like starting from scratch in midlife.

Even worse, some employers still see “military spouse” and immediately assume unreliability or a short-term hire—despite the fact that SOF spouses have often spent decades in one community, developing deep resilience, loyalty, and leadership skills that can’t be taught in any MBA program.

What Needs to Change

1. Better Recognition of Underemployment, Not Just Unemployment:

   1. Policies and support programs must begin acknowledging the impact of underemployment—not just whether a spouse has a job, but whether they’re thriving in that job.

2. Career Portability and Credential Support:

   1. Support for licensing, continuing education, and credential renewal across states and PCS moves should be automatic and fully funded. Spouses shouldn’t bear the financial burden of keeping up with bureaucracy.

3. Increased Access to Affordable Childcare:

   1. If we want spouses to work, we must ensure they have access to affordable, flexible childcare options that reflect the reality of military life.

4. Scholarships and Fellowships for Career Rebuilding:

   1. Programs that help spouses re-enter or upskill for the workforce—like MyCAA and nonprofit scholarships—should be expanded, destigmatized, and streamlined.

5. Normalize the Conversation:

   1. We must stop treating underemployment like a taboo. The more we talk about it, the more pressure there will be for change. And the more spouses will feel seen, understood, and empowered to take the next step.

A Word to the SOF Spouse Reading This

If this feels familiar—if you’re reading this with tears in your eyes because someone finally said what you’ve been carrying in silence—you are not alone. You are not lazy, or unmotivated, or failing. You are doing the best you can in a system that wasn’t designed with you in mind.

But things are changing. Conversations like this one matter. And every step you take to invest in yourself—whether through education, mentorship, entrepreneurship, or healing—is a revolutionary act of hope.

You deserve to thrive. You deserve to be seen. And you deserve a future where your talent, heart, and hustle are recognized—not in spite of your military journey, but because of it. 💓