The Invisible Load: Recognizing the Efforts of SOF Spouses
- Steph Cole
- Dec 18, 2024
- 4 min read
If you’re a Special Operations Forces (SOF) spouse, chances are you’ve carried an invisible load this year that would intimidate even the most seasoned multitasker. It’s the kind of load no one talks about but that you feel every moment of every day. It’s the mental checklist you manage while keeping your family, home, and self afloat—often without missing a beat.
From coordinating kids’ schedules to managing emergencies, providing emotional support for your spouse, and somehow trying to hold on to your own dreams, this invisible load is heavy. And let’s be honest: it’s exhausting.
But here’s the thing—you’ve done it with poise and determination, even when it felt impossible. This post is about shining a light on everything you’ve handled and why it’s okay to feel tired, overwhelmed, and even frustrated. Because acknowledging the weight you carry doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
What Is the Invisible Load?
The invisible load is all the mental and emotional work that goes into running a family and supporting a spouse, much of which goes unseen and unrecognized. For SOF spouses, this load is amplified by the unique demands of military life:
Coordinating Schedules: From soccer practice and parent-teacher conferences to ensuring your spouse has everything they need for their next deployment, you’re the family calendar keeper.
Handling Finances: Paying bills, budgeting, and making sure everything stays on track—even when unexpected expenses pop up.
Managing Emergencies: Whether it’s a broken water heater or a sick child, you’re the one stepping up, often without backup.
Providing Emotional Support: You’re not just managing your own feelings—you’re a sounding board for your spouse and a steady presence for your kids.
Holding It All Together: While doing all this, you’re also navigating your own goals, dreams, and challenges, often putting them on hold to prioritize your family’s needs.
It’s a lot. And just because it’s invisible to the outside world doesn’t mean it’s not real—or incredibly taxing.
Why It’s Okay to Feel Tired
When you carry a load this heavy, it’s normal to feel tired. The problem is, many SOF spouses feel like they can’t admit that. We’re often conditioned to believe that asking for help or acknowledging our struggles is a sign of weakness. But the truth is, even the strongest people need rest and support.
Here’s why it’s okay to feel tired—and why it’s essential to acknowledge it:
You’re Doing a Lot: The sheer volume of tasks and responsibilities you manage would overwhelm anyone. Feeling tired doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.
You Deserve Recognition: The work you do, even if it’s behind the scenes, is vital. Your family wouldn’t function without your contributions, and it’s okay to want acknowledgment for that.
Burnout Is Real: Ignoring your exhaustion won’t make it go away. Admitting you’re tired is the first step toward finding ways to lighten the load and take care of yourself.
Celebrating What You’ve Accomplished
Instead of focusing on what didn’t get done this year, take a moment to celebrate everything you *did* achieve:
You Kept Things Running: Your household didn’t fall apart because of your hard work and determination.
You Showed Up for Your Kids:** From helping with homework to being their emotional rock, you’ve been there for them in every way that matters.
You Supported Your Spouse: Whether it was packing their bags, sending care packages, or simply listening when they needed to talk, your efforts made their mission possible.
You Held Onto Yourself: Even if it didn’t feel like it at times, you’ve managed to hold onto pieces of your own identity while juggling everything else. That’s no small feat.
How to Lighten the Load
Carrying the invisible load doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone. Here are a few ways to take some weight off your shoulders:
Ask for Help: Whether it’s from family, friends, or a professional service, don’t be afraid to delegate tasks. You don’t have to do everything yourself.
Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Even small moments of self-care can make a big difference in your energy and mindset.
Connect with Community: Find other SOF spouses who understand your journey. Sharing experiences and supporting each other can be incredibly validating and uplifting.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to things that don’t serve you or your family. Protect your time and energy by setting clear limits.
You Are Not Alone
The invisible load you carry may not always be acknowledged, but it’s seen—and deeply appreciated—by those who understand your journey. At Lotus River Wellness, we see you. We know how hard you’ve worked this year, and we’re here to remind you that you’re not alone.
As we close out 2024, take a moment to reflect on everything you’ve managed with poise and determination. Celebrate your victories, big and small, and give yourself permission to rest. You’ve earned it.
Here’s to stepping into 2025 with pride in everything you’ve accomplished and hope for the year ahead.
Because you are more than enough.
Comments